DEAR SPIDERS,

Photo Sep 16, 6 13 06 PM

 

dear spiders,

i won’t lie, you definitely scared the shit outta me when i first noticed you living in my bathroom trash can, just hanging out atop soft piles of tissues and Qtips. i was getting ready to shower when i saw you and freaked out, and i was then paranoid throughout the whole shower that you were going to sneak in and eat me. scary stuff.

now though, where there used to be three of you, there is only one. i’m assuming that the other two weren’t as into making new friends as you. the more i’ve gotten to know you, you seem pretty jovial. social even. whenever i come in to the bathroom you perk up and scuttle to the top layer of the trash can, eager to look out but also frozen in fear because i might smash you. but don’t worry little dude, i won’t smash you. yet.

thus far, you’ve been quite polite and respectful of boundaries. you’ve stayed there in the trashcan, moseying about, not disturbing or scaring me in any other part of the house. and for that, i say thank you spider.

however, the longer time goes on the sooner our time together comes to a close. tomorrow, i’m going to have to take out the bathroom trash. when i do, i hate to say it, you’re going out with it little dude. i’m probably going to squeal quite a bit when i empty the trash for fear that you’ll get pissed and jump out at me and attack. hopefully it doesn’t come to this.

i’ve learned to love you little guy, but our time together is ending. i’m just hoping that we can part amicably.

if not, well, i won’t hesitate to squish you. AKA i won’t hesitate to yell for miriam and make her deal with youΒ (because somehow she’s not scared of spiders at all) while i scamper away.

 

 

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