i hypothetically like that!

i hypothetically like that!


you know those things that sound really good when you’re chatting about them casually, but then you actually experience them and it’s just not for you? it’s either not what you were expecting, some kind of let down, or just really weird? yea, those are your hypothetical likes: the things that sound good when you’re talking about them over a glass of wine, but in the real world they’re just not for you. i have a whole damn list of these things, and i thought i would share. here goes::


boots:: i love the look of boots, and they’re functional! anytime i try them on, however, i can’t stand them. i never think that they look right on me. i even forced myself to go out and buy a pair over winter break (because it’s snowy now and i can’t just keep living in soaking wet, bright red, canvas, keds), and while they’re both functional and badass (they have spikes on them), i don’t love them like i love my keds. and my flats. and my jesus shoes. it’s just not the same.

raincoats:: again, something that is really functional and would come in handy quite often up in tiffin ohio, and they even come in all kinds of cute prints and shapes! but i would never wear it more than once or twice, because, let’s face it, i would much rather just toss on a coat and then be able to crab about the rain and how i’m soaked for the rest of the day.

drinking whiskey straight:: it just seems so badass! but i know that if i would actually do it i’d probably just end up choking and spitting whiskey all over the poor lad next to me.

base-jumping:: i love the idea of jumping off of something, not just out of a plane, but off. of. something. taking that conscious step to leap off of everything safe and stable and go flying through the air, hurtling, towards the unknown. i like what it symbolizes, how freeing it would probably be. but i feel like if i actually went base-jumping i would freak out at the top of a bridge, start shrieking and cursing, and tie myself to something so that i didn’t have to jump. i think it’s something better left to my idealized imagination.

playing skyrim:: i’m genuinely nerdy enough that i think i would really enjoy this game, like i could totally see myself being a skyrim person. but at the same time, i do not want to sit in front of a tv gaming out for hours. i like the idea of the game, just not the idea of actually taking the time to play it.

female condoms:: if you don’t think too much into them, they seem so handy and feminist-y. they’re all “i don’t need a man! i’ve got my own condom!!” but in actuality, when you do sit down and think about it, it just seems hella inconvenient.

communism:: i like the idealized version of communism, in that everyone is equal, everyone shares, and everyone reaps the rewards of collective labor. when you start thinking about what it would take to get there, however, it doesn’t seem like such a bright idea.

spiced wine:: it’s like hot chocolate, only wine. what could be better!? well, actually, hot chocolate could be. the idea of a warm wine that can be drank while walking around in the cold is brilliant, but a spiced red wine just isn’t my proverbial cup of tea. or hot chocolate. oh how i wish it were!

cake pops:: they’re so dang cute! but then you realize that there’s like a 700% mark up on them and you’re wondering why you didn’t just “splurge” and buy an apron and some cake mix and make yourself a whole pan of that shit. (you could  layer on more frosting that way anyhow.)

moving out of my hometown and never coming back:: it sounds great as a casual idea, begin able to leave behind the hometown that wasn’t really much of a home to me. never having to see the same people i went to high school with, still working in town, asking how my life is going but not really caring. i’m not really attached to my hometown, but i am attached to my family, and they’re all here. so while i like the idea of never returning, i know that that’s not going to happen. i will definitely come back. i’ll always come back for them.

pocket watches:: so distinguished and dapper! i would love to have an antique one, delicately and carefully decorated. though i think that, in all actuality, it would be more of a hassle than anything (my jeans are too tight for it to fit properly in a pocket anyway).

hot stone massages:: ooh they seem so soothing and relaxing! when i go to picture myself getting one, however, i see the lady carefully placing one on my back and me freaking out, shrieking, and tossing the rock off of me only to be forever scarred (emotionally) by the experience. i just don’t think a hot stone massage would mesh very well with my personality, but i really like the idea of getting one!