PROFESSOR BING: GEMS FROM THE END OF A SEMESTER

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ahhhh, the end of my professor bing class! it feels so damn good to be free of the misogyny and forced philosophical-type discussions about fucking everything. here are the highlights from my last week with bing, all word-for-word quotes. i hope you’ve enjoyed reading all of this craziness as much as i’ve wanted to explode while being in this class. granted, looking at these random quotes makes me crack the hell up, but being forced to take this class (and having to pay $1800 for it) and sit three days a week to listen to bing make very detailed sports analogies, talk down about women, ignore me completely, and favor the men in the class 100% of the time has been hella annoying. cheers to it being over! i think i’ll have a glass of wine now in celebration, obviously!!

 

you all have a pretty good idea of why you masterbate, but I don’t know if you know why we research.

i don’t think that you need to be comfortable with the mathematical basis for it necessarily..

it is kind of mysterious, kind of like magic. it can be done!

I really don’t think i need to tell you any more than that!

you have partially violated an assumption..

now we can talk about frequency of alcohol consumption!

what I’m saying is: less time studying, more time drinking.

when you’ve had a few drinks, that’s when you’re thinking more clearly.

just let your mind run. let it explode. research is like setting off bombs in your head. it ought to be freeing you.

it’s mathematics that you don’t need to worry about!

now when I teach you how to shoot a gun… you want to know when & how to use the damn thing!

it’s not an exact statement fact..

research is art!

I haven’t done the research, or done the data, but I think I know what’s going on!

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