12 PEOPLE THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE STUCK SITTING NEXT TO ON A PLANE

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those who smell. i mean really!? you know that you’re going to be stuck in a plane, in a very confined area, with a shit ton of other people for many hours.. so why on earth would you not take the time to freshen yourself up!!!

people with screaming children. this one is a given. i’m all for little kids, they’re great and there’s a time and a place for you to hang out with your little darling, but cramped upΒ on a plane with a hundred other passengers is not the place for it. leave the tots at home.

in between parents, each with a twin, passing shit back and forth. seriously, this happened to me when i was flying back from paris to JFK a year or so ago and it was dreadful. the only thing worse than one ill-behaived child is two terrible children, one on either side. the parents used me to pass all their baby gear back and forth, which was gross because i don’t know you and i have no desire to touch that blanket covered in baby spit-up. bleh.

super evangelical religious people who are hella pumped and really just want to convert you. you know me, i’m all about having religious dialogues with people, no matter the time or place. but there’s a difference between having a casual chat while swapping life stories and having someone preach at you in a confined space where you can’t escape. no thanks.

people who clap when the plane lands. no, just no. this is crazy obnoxious.

chit-chatters who won’t quit. small talk is great on a plane, but only during take-off and landing. other than that, please refrain from gabbing my ear off with your surface level attempts to be polite. silence is good, especially on a plane.

people who just sleep all the damn time. while you would initially think that this is a good thing, and sometimes it is, it can also be hella inconvienent. like when people are coming around with food and you’re crammed in the seat trying to reach around sleeping beauty to get your crappy airplane pasta and a bag of peanuts. and when you need to pee so damn bad but you feel rude waking up the person by the isle so you can make your way to the shiesty restroom.

people who snore! ughhhh you’re keeping all of the rest of us up with your caveman sleeping habits! wear a breatherite nose thing and get in control of this situation darnit!

armrest hogs. this one will make me insta-pissed at you. share that shit!

judgey people. don’t you dare look at me like that for sitting in a contorted yoga pose while reading my harpers bazzar and listening to reggae. i do what i want!

people who stare me down when i drink on flights. i just want to become intoxicated and go to sleep for the rest of the flight!

those who fall asleep and get all up in your personal space. i once flew next someone who fell completely forward in their seat and slumped to the side while sleeping, which then prevented me from moving my feet and getting to my bookbag on the floor for the rest of the flight. stay in your own damn area.

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