50 THINGS THAT I DON’T CARE ABOUT

  1. how much you love your new highlights
  2. the 700 photographs of your baby that you just posted on facebook
  3. how cute you and your boyfriend look when you dress in matching outfits
  4. the amount of reps you can do at the gym
  5. the fact that you even go to a gym
  6. anything that an arrogant man has to say about women’s reproductive rights
  7. graphic novels
  8. how much you love kissing in the rain
  9. taylor swift
  10. what people from my graduating high school class are doing with their lives (except for a select few)
  11. your newest tattoo
  12. how offensive you find the word “_______”
  13. the all-raw diet that you’re trying out
  14. your boyfriend’s band
  15. what you just bought at victoria’s secret
  16. how much those jeans cost you
  17. your heteronormative opinion about my friends and my love lives
  18. the real housewives of anywhere
  19. the fact that you’ve seen the notebook “like a million times”
  20. how much you love cosmo magazine
  21. your shitty honda civic with the door falling off
  22. the north face
  23. how many beers you can drink in an hour
  24. the fact that you know a weed dealer
  25. your new vera bradley thing
  26. “team-building exercises”
  27. how much you love holistic medicine
  28. your last girlfriend
  29. how much you just paid for your new coach purse
  30. award shows
  31. what you got on your ACT’s
  32. that half my family thinks that i’m a lesbian
  33. that one of my top seminary choices thinks that i’m a lesbian
  34. you being weirded out that i’m going to seminary
  35. monogramed drinking tumblers
  36. small dogs that can fit in purses
  37. “leadership exercises”
  38. trust falls
  39. you not liking how much i curse in my day-to-day life
  40. anything that any of the palin’s have to say
  41. your very emotional opinions about the newest episode of “the bachelor”
  42. the new bong you just bought
  43. the color pink
  44. your desperate need for validation and attention
  45. how many times you went to the beach this summer
  46. your new “nerdy but definitely sexy” fake glasses
  47. how skinny kate moss is today
  48. gold jewelry
  49. your newly self-manicured nails
  50. what you think of me
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