PERKS OF THE SINGLE LIFE

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not having to dress up for anyone. when i’m in my dorm room studying or lounging, i can comfortably hang out in paint-covered, hole-ridden oversized t-shirts because i don’t have to worry about some guy stopping by to see how my day went.

i save so much damn money! not having to drive all over the damn place going on dates and visiting significant others means that i have far more money to spend on important things, like wine and dresses. lots of dresses.

not having to stress about introducing the significant other to the family. let’s face it, my family is crazy as hell and working for weeks to tone them down takes far more effort than i feel like exerting. now when i go to family functions, Β all the politically incorrect and extremely graphic conversations make me laugh rather than regret bringing home so-and-so.

never wearing make-up. the more you go without make-up, the more you love yourself without it. so often girls in relationships seem to be all dolled up whenever they’re with their partner, and that’s a hell of Β a lot of pressure that i don’t need. my freckles and constantly tangled long eyelashes are wonderful just as they are.

never having to buy holiday gifts for a significant other. instead, i can devote my time to more important things, like buying phallic-shaped pasta for my best friend.

during the summer, i don’t have to shave my legs. EVER! between working at a daycare where the kids don’t care and never going on dates, my shower grooming routine is much simpler.

i have all kinds of awkward first date horror stories. i tend to collect them like normal people collect shot glasses or coffee mugs.

ugly crying whenever the hell i want. sometimes, you just gotta ugly cry. but what do you do when that moment happens to be during a rom-com date night with your boo? i’ll never have to find out. i can ugly cry during every single episode of parenthood if i want to and not feel bad about it one bit. and 96% of the time that’s exactly what i do. (it’s a damn good show, and if you’ve never seen it then you need to get your butt on netflix right now and start watching this stuff!)

emotional wine nights. whenever i want, with no guy looking at me and judging me for it. because really, you don’t even understand dude!

nobody questions the abnormal amount of men’s clothing that happens to be in my closet. yes, i collect souvenirs from past boyfriends and boy friends, and it’s far easier to lounge around in a stolen hoodie when you don’t have some new guy questioning who “clark” is and then feeling insecure.

the only emotions i have to deal with are my own. inevitably, at some point in every relationship, you end up sitting down for hours and talking about your feelings. which is great, but at this point in my life my own emotions are complicated enough, i don’t need somebody else adding theirs to the mix and throwing everything else off balance.

netflix. need i say more?

having tons of random adventures. not having consistent plans with a significant other means that i can wander off whenever i feel led to, meaning lots of nights star-gazing, lots of random coffee shop chats, and lots of spontaneous ice cream runs at midnight with the guys down the hall.

not having to say goodbye. i’m the kind of gal who likes to be constantly on the go, always traveling and experiencing new things. i already spend so much time coming and going that it’s just much simpler to not have to explain to someone i’m dating why i’m randomly jetting off to boston this weekend and then california after that.

no meeting the parents. always a plus.

i can be selfish. i don’t have to consult with anyone before making a decision. i can do exactly what i want to do, when i want to do it.

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