working at a daycare for the entire summer, i get the pleasure of hearing some crazy shit be said by the children that i watch. sometimes it’s awkward stuff about their parents divorce that i’m sure their mother would cringe to know that i knew. other times it’s little slips about the ridiculous things that their parents let them get away with at home. no matter what it is that they’re spewing off about, these kids are alway freaking hilarious. here are some of the things that i’ve heard in the past few days, jotted down for your enjoyment:: 

“cause i’m just a dog like that! that’s why!” -z

“most baby’s come out head first, but i came out feet first because i didn’t want to leave. i just really like milk..” -r

“i think my finger just broke! seriously, it wont move! wait.. it just moved.” -z

“my mom got married to my real dad, and then she got divorced. then she got married to my step dad, and now they’re getting divorced. i don’t know what her problem is.” -e

“your new nickname is ‘the farty boy’.” -z

“he always thinks that i like him. it’s a lie. i don’t.” -s

“you owe me $1.4 million.” -r

“that’s not how you smoke a cigarette. my dad does it, it’s like this.” -z

“you’re not a very good dead fish..” -r

“my life is really hard. my mom says i’m delicate.” -l

“the quiet game is a trick! don’t do it.” -z

“they just switched games out of nowhere on me. it was really crazy and stuff.” -l

“i’m the boss of my rocket. you need to build your own.” -a

“how old are you!?” -a

“scratch him. with your nails.” -r

“don’t step on my beautiful hair!” -n

“shhh! i’m meditating.” -r

“i’m like a cow. but i don’t have utters, and i don’t give milk.” -r

“she was lookin’ fine in her belly shirt! she had a piercing and everything! man, i just couldn’t stop staring ..until my parents looked at me.” -z