Holy hell it took me forever to get home!! JJ and I spent the night in a swanky hotel the night before our flight so we could get there easier in the morning. However, I’m surprised that the cab ride there didn’t kill us both. The cabby sped like a demon anytime he could, he weaved in and out of traffic like he was a Turkish woman working the loom, and he drove straddling the line between two lanes more than 50% of the time. Oh, and he also got us lost in a random apartment complex that, at 10pm, seemed slightly shiesty.

Anyway, we made it to the airport the next morning only to be dropped off at the wrong terminal so we had to lug all of our stuff back the main hub. Let me interject though that I had a 50lb rolling bag, a 40lb air force duffle, another regular duffle, and my book bag with all my precious belongings in it. Having to run all over the airport sucked lots and by the end of it I was honest to god sweating.

We finally made it to the iberian line only to find out that there were 30 people in front of us and only 3 ladies working the counters, wonderful. The latino woman behind us kept shrieking in espanol and her damn toy dog (dressed in a “grumpy” Disney t-shirt and a plaid skirt, I shit you not) yipped away the whole time. We finally made it out of there just in time to sprint down to our gate, snag some water, and hop on the plane.

The trip from Rome to Madrid was uneventful, but upon arrival I realized that, according to the flight boards scattered around, my flight to JFK did not exist. Perfect. JJ headed off on his on-time flight to dallas while I panicked and frantically ran to the help desk to figure stuff out. Turned out that the original 2pm flight was cancelled and so now I was going to have to take one at 4:45pm, meaning that I’d miss my connection to ohio in JFK. I desperately wanted out of Madrid though so I got on the flight and headed on my way.

During the flight to the states I drank lots of wine, watched 2 julia Roberts movies, and tried to figure out if the guy next to me spoke English or Spanish (I still don’t know, he really just mumbled lots and avoided eye contact). I landed, gathered all my stuff, and headed off to try and figure out what my options were for getting back to ohio.

I spent the next 3 hours running all over JFK being told to go first here, then “oh no, not here, THERE”, and then sent back again. The trains between the terminals didn’t work so I, of course, had to lug all my stuff on my own the entire time. After being jerked around by American airlines and Iberian airlines I finally got booked for a flight the next day at 11:15am.

It ended up being the ladies at british airways who got me hooked up. They were 3 older wonderful sassy black women who had major attitude and knew how to use it. They got me comped for my cab ride to a hotel, comped for the $200 hotel room itself, and comped me for dinner and breakfast while I was there as well thank goodness. They were literally lifesavers to me; earlier in the night I was crying on the airport shuttle and here they were comforting me and ushering me into a cab and on my way. Love them!

I arrive at the hotel, order a Caesar salad and a plate of nachos (how American!), and head up to my room to scarf down the food and get some sleep before my flight the next day. Morning comes and, after finishing a free swanky breakfast at the hotel restaurant, I hopped the shuttle to the airport to begin another day of trying to get home.

The dang woman at the counter started off being crazy rude and telling me that the new ticket I had got last night wasn’t even valid. I held my ground and was there for 45 minutes while she fixed it and got me a new one. Funny thing, the 11 am flight I was supposed to be on? Yea that was cancelled, how about the 1 pm flight instead? Yes that would be fine, what mattered to me was getting home the same day.

I made my way through security and to my gate only to find out that the flight has been delayed until 1:30pm and could be later due to machinery problems at the airport. Super. The rest of the passengers and I sat around stewing and bitching about American airlines all the way up until they called us to board the plane, which was in fact at 1:30 pm.

I landed in ohio at around 3pm and I could not have been happier to see moody grey skies, wet green vegetation, and lots and lots of farmland. I didn’t care, I was FINALLY BACK IN OHIO!!